To talk about the frightening road ahead of us

Iyra's second scariest day was December 14th, 2021, when she had her PET scan to determine if the tumor had spread to other parts of her body. In the early hours of that morning, I woke up, held Iyra in my arms, and whispered a prayer. The only thing I asked for was a clear scan, and this is the only thing I will pray for until my child is declared cancer-free. Although, I wish this had all been a bad dream, unfortunately, it wasn't. Everything concerning cancer was real. Iyra's surgery was REAL, her staring chemotherapy is going to be REAL. Sadly, all of it was REAL. I wish it were all just a terrible dream.

With the night sky darkening and the cold air blowing, I sat in the car with my princess in my arms, while daddy drove us to the hospital. On our way to the hospital parking garage, Iyra awoke and asked, "Are you going on vacation?". I wish I could have replied, "Yes.". During this time of year, Iyra usually spends time with her cousins in Nashua, NH. We miss them and wish we were playing in the snow with the boys getting ready for Christmas and New Year.

I wish there was a way I could tell Iyra that things were going to be different this holiday season (2021). It wasn't going to see her cousins, or playing in the snow, or going to the mall to view the lights. There will be more hospital appointments, tests, and scans, as well as isolation and limited outdoor activity. Staying at home is the best way with this entire COVID thing going on.

We were called by the nurses as we arrived at the hospital's waiting area, and I knew Iyra was going to resist us. She despises being touched first thing in the morning. She's just like her mommy. The staff tried to reassure her and ease her into the procedure, but she was well aware that she would be accessed (a needle that is inserted through the skin for easy access of veins). Most cancer patients undergoing treatment have a central line/Port-A-Cath, which is where labs are drawn, chemotherapy drugs are administered, and blood transfusions are administered, among other things. She took my hand in hers and requested that I carry her in my arms. "Mommy, I need milk, I'm hungry," she mumbled into my ears, her skinny arms around my neck, head resting on my shoulders (that feeling is beautiful). I assured her that after the big machine saw her belly, we'd both enjoy her favorite orange popsicle <3.

My little princess exclaimed, "Mommy, are they going to poke me?" when the nurses were finally ready for Iyra. This was only her second time being poked (accessed), and we expect there will be many more.

Iyra's PET scan was completed after an hour, and she was transferred to the PICU for continued observation. "Mommy, I want to go home, and please remove this porty from my chest," she said this time. And all I could do was embrace her and remind her that we could now enjoy her favorite popsicle, and her face simply beamed and said, "OK, mommy, let's go." It astounds me how tough these kids are. Things and circumstances change with minimal distraction.

We've been waiting in the oncology clinic for hours for the doctors to call and give us an update. My body was screaming at me to go pump because the three-hour wait felt like an eternity, but I was worried of missing out on the physicians or any information. When I finally made the decision to utilize the nursing room, I noticed Iyra's oncology team approaching us. This whole pumping business has to be put on hold for the time being.

I'm sure you don't want to know every detail of our discussion because it was a LONG discussion. With all of the prayers and well-wishes pouring in, the physicians confirmed that Iyra's tumor had not spread from what they saw in the scan, which is a big relief. She will require a few rounds of radiation therapy and chemotherapy in addition to her surgery.

Starting chemo-cycle 1, I asked Iyra's nurse if there was anything I needed to be aware of for this and subsequent cycles. "Take one cycle at a time, mommy," she advised. Because I was getting ahead of myself, I chuckled at myself. I needed to know what to expect as soon as possible.

Iyra threw up once, twice, thrice, and I lost count after the sixth time since that is how much she threw up. Infusion 1 was completed, infusion 2 was completed, and infusion 3 was completed. Iyra was so fatigued that she was clingy, tired, and didn't want her mommy and daddy to leave her sight for the following few days.

This is only about my child and her experience. There are many children that are afflicted and are suffering. I want to be able to speak up and help these kids as much as possible. Do you know that on average, 47 children are diagnosed with cancer every day, but just 4% of national funding goes to childhood cancer research? These kids deserve more than 4%. Not my child and not any child, should have to face this alone. Let's join forces to raise awareness about childhood cancer. 

#morethan4

#rhabdojourney

#prayforiyra.